I'll go first again

I'll go first again 

 

 

 

These city nights of neon lights I'm drowning in

Slowly it gnaws as it consumes me within 

I need fresh air and plenty of wide open space

In time I'll pack up my wagon and leave this place 

 

It's become clear to me I think it's finally time 

For this cowboy to resign it's the end of the line 

Meeting someone like her down here I just didn't believe

It was a serendipitous moment for me to conceive 

 

I wish more than anything there was an us

But in the end we just couldn't find  trust

We'll both be ok and find our way back from this

Let's hug one last time sealed with a goodbye kiss

 

I'll keep the memories tucked under me hat

I want to always remember you just like that

I guess some sparks never turn into a flame 

It just wasn't meant to be there's no one to blame 

 

Perhaps on that day there's words I should of spoken 

I just couldn't afford my heart to get broken 

I see now I should of put all my chips on the table

Sometimes life puts you in positions where your unable

 

Love is a two way street and you also had time

To say in that moment you wanted to be mine 

There's no bad feelings only what might have been 

But we faded like an early morning dream

 

I guess we were in two totally different places

We were both reluctant like in cards to show our aces 

It's truly ok and I know that you know we could of tried 

But perhaps in our lives the bridges were just too wide 

 

Deep down I truly believe we knew right from the start 

But our timing was off which kept us apart 

I remember that day when I saw you in a different light

I made a wish on that first star I saw that night 

 

In your eyes I saw the passion of what we could be

I saw the love you hid from others that you had for me

I recall a time at our work party you asked me 

As you sat me down next to me and wanted to see 

 

If what you felt for me was what I felt for you

I was whiskey fuelled, what I said I haven't a clue 

You had bedroom eyes and I was hypnotised 

I gave you a half truth answer, that was dignified 

 

I said you were one in a million and you smiled 

You looked relieved and happy as a child 

I went on to say there were others who liked you 

But secretly I think that was news you already knew 

 

I vividly recall saying there were other guys

Who were my friends and I saw it in your eyes

I was whiskey'd up and never told you how I truly felt

Timing they say is everything, that night mine was out 

 

When I said I wouldn't go against them no matter

If silence could speak I heard your heart shatter 

I knew then as I know now I'd lost your love 

Watching the hurt in your eyes was tough

 

It was hard for me to hear that my mate liked you too

But going against him is something I couldn't do

For sure I lay awake on my bed roll at night sometimes 

Contemplating to myself what if I had of said these lines

 

" Your smile warms a room

Smothering me it consumes

Your laughter fills the air

Blissfully unaware

 

You feed my hungry eyes

As I desperately try

To stop myself from falling 

To your hearts calling 

 

Enriching me with your laughter

Dreaming of forever after 

Your touch delighting my senses

Your love pulling down my defences 

 

Your the wind in my trees

Making cowboy weak at his knees

In your eyes there's a feeling 

I find myself just staring 

 

I'm mr invisible 

Lovesick and miserable 

You don't see who I really am 

If only you could see this man "

 

The very last time I saw you, I could tell

That night you had eyes for me, and my pal

The inevitable situation of whom you'd choose

Two close friends, someone would have to lose 

 

I've seen bitter wars with friends start like this

Even the slightest moisture from a lovers kiss 

I know a lovers heart could never love two

Waiting for the answer is something I just won't do

 

It's a circumstantial fact is what I would say

War among chums will always start this way

Sometimes unanswered prayers is a god send 

It's best to go before burning bridges won't mend 

 

Perhaps you were a dream just out of reach 

Life telling me theres lessons still to teach 

The last time you txt me and went on to say 

Come join you and have a meal on Christmas Day 

 

I'd be afraid I wouldn't find my way back 

Once biting the apple of Eden after the fact 

I'd be lost in ecstasy and afraid I wouldn't come down

From cloud number nine I'd be heaven bound  

 

So for the first time ever I told you straight 

Thanks for the offer but don't leave me out a plate

Xmas isn't a good time for this cowboy anymore 

With that being said on us I finally shut the door

 

Relations have always been a knot in me lasso

Perhaps I'm just one of the many from the fortunate few 

Tonight in a bottle I'll keep your memory around

With whiskey I'll drink your memory down 

 

Funny thing is perhaps for the very first time

In the sand I was gonna finally draw a line 

I was really gonna make an effort to stay

I guess in the end it just wasn't to end this way

 

But I saw you as a lady, a cut above all the rest 

You know a cowboy like me was born heading west 

I couldn't say for sure but I wasn't born to stay 

Born under a wandering star is what most would say

 

You deserved more than seeing the back of me 

Perhaps time knew this and stopped us being a we 

So no matter how far our lives grow apart

The memory of you I'll take always in my heart 

 

I'm not sure if what we had has come to an end 

Each on a different road unsure what's around the bend 

I could tell in your eyes we should of taken a chance 

Perhaps I should of asked you for our first last dance 

 

I knew how badly the last guy broke your heart in two

I was a lot of things but I didn't want to be that guy too

It's fair to say Amanda your a rare find on this earth

Too precious for a cowboy to know your true worth

 

Which is why I'll look upon our time with a warm smile 

Getting over you will sure take its while 

If there's one thing that will give me solace in my mind

Will be the fact that love is what I hope you find 

 

Friends of mine always say I don't stay around to try

They laugh and jest alone in my prairies I'll die

The last time I heard them laugh and say I was cursed

The problematic fact is, when leaving I'm always first  

 

My cowboy creed won't let me stand against one of me own

To me it's similar to shitting in your home 

I'll pull these curtains down and end the show 

I'll Pack my steel horse, and be the first to go 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments (6)

  1. shadow-storm

    :/

    April 01, 2017
  2. wonderwall79

    just another scar on the heart but albeit what don’t kill us only makes one stronger

    April 01, 2017
  3. macabre360

    Man oh man Mr wonderwall.
    This just says it all.
    I must confess.
    With resolution a lament you express.
    When it comes to loves epics.
    From the heart and soul.
    I want you to know.
    Your one of the best.
    ~~
    In truth I think the ones that got away are indeed lamentable. Although not as much as the one we had to let go.

    April 03, 2017
    1. wonderwall79

      Arrrrrr black bird your words are to kind as always, and to get such from a noble creature of high standings!!
      I tip me hat with immense respect.
      I guess those loves lost and never hads, will lay close to this Cowboys heart.!!!
      I’m not actually entirely sure it’s me writing these ditties I think whiskey has a lot to say too.
      It means a lot from the noblest of all creatures land, sea and air
      Tipping me hat as I trot back to me campfire!!!

      April 03, 2017
  4. morningafter7

    So you are star-crossed lovers? I think it’s fair to say that timing really is everything, wonderwall. I also think that, if something is truly meant to be, then things should fall into place easily ~ not too much work or worry involved. Perhaps your paths will cross again in the future and that’ll be when things click into place. Either way, another beautiful and heartfelt poem from a true free spirit! Ride on, wonderwall!!

    April 03, 2017
    1. wonderwall79

      Thank you MA7 yeah I thought there was a point she might have been more than most I thought she could have been the unicorn that calms this wild brumbies heart but alas it wasn’t meant to be, as you expertly said ride on
      Indeed I shall with wind in me mane and dirt under me hoofs
      I appreciate the kind words as always they mean a lot!!!
      With horse standing on its back haunches I raise me hat gallantly and bid you adieu

      April 03, 2017