Seems I've finally had enough and this last straw has finally been drawn.
It's a combination of this time of year and the tall bottle of truth called whiskey
As I sit here on an old tree stump fixing me some grub a feeling has washed over me like an oceans wave hitting the shores.
I can't speak to the man upstairs anymore, I was taught If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say nothing at all.
Like a whiskey bottle that's been emptied of its last drop, is how I'd sum up the relationship which I have with him.
Like a marriage that's soured over the years.
Like an old weather board house deteriorated over time.
Like a cheap suit that's fallen apart through wear and tear
Another friend in the ground before New Years, I've almost become numb to the feeling!
24 years old and gone just another pine box to be nailed up and put on the back of the wagon and horsed out to my cemetery where they all lay.!!
Pieces of me self lay scattered among these tombs, buried with each character that has interacted with me along these dusty trails.
They will all be buried here one day like a giant collage of myself.
As each one is put to rest, it will only be a matter of time before the big man comes for me.
Like a game of chess he takes my pawns that are like my good friends or acquaintances I've met, then he moves to my castles or rooks, my horse and my bishops these are the close friends, family members that I have gathered over my time here on this dust ball.!!
Then he'll come for my queen which symbolises the most important person to ones life who ever that may be.!!!
Leaving me the King standing alone with no army, no loved ones against his band of thieves called, death loneliness, misery, cancer, fate, heart ache, pain, disease, famine, murder, these are his soldiers willing to take who he commands in a blink of an eye they'll strike.
I don't fear his army, his commands anymore I can't talk to god now without it ending in harsh words.
Like a bad dispute without a mediator except he sits in the judges chair while I forcefully sit in the witness stand.
You can play by all the rules and still lose, yes that is life and I'm sure it won't be the last time I hear that but it still don't make it right.!!!!
No one punches harder than life itself that's for dam sure, Like a neighbourhood bully life walks around pushing innocent people into bushes, stealing their confidence, taking their money, disrupting their lives and worst of all taking anyone's life it pleases to without no emotion towards our misfortune.
This bully or what we call life knows it's untouchable it's uncontrollable, it feeds off the very fear it creates, without consequence
It does whatever it pleases and we are all helpless to do anything about it but accept it, I call BULLSHIT !!!!!
Yes yes I see perhaps I'm blinded by whiskey and the dark that I can't see the light.
If I was an immortal and seen a god do what he has done here, I'd saddle my steed and find the path that I seek towards these big golden gates I would ride my steed straight through them and push aside whoever may be guarding them until I see a man with a beard sitting in robes and sandals.
I would climb off my steed and walk up to this man face to face and ask him why?
Why has he taken from me what isn't his to take?
Why have YOU forsaken us?
What is the bigger picture?
I'd stare in his eyes and demand an answer?
I would say how would you like it if I hunted down your 12 apostles?
Why are others who are evil to the core still left to roam these prairies?
Why have you left me here?
Then I'd say one more? One more time if I have to bury my brother I'm coming back, not to talk but to wage war and I'll bring this whole kingdom down it will be biblical and you can write that down in your scrolls pard!!
I'm not a bad man by any sorts sometimes I blame this world for making a good man evil, sometimes life can push you back into a corner and your rolling the dice when you corner any animal cause two things are gonna happen, one..... It will bow down in defeat or two......it's gonna retaliate snarling and baring it's razor teeth and claws ready for a final showdown.!!!!
Maybe I have to lay off the whiskey when writing I guess this is the dark outlaw side of the cowboy.!!!!!
Perhaps it's the whiskey speaking out of term
Or life's lessons I'm finding hard to learn
I bid you good night as I spread my bed roll about
Swig my last swallow and put me fire out
Here's to us all on these dusty trails of our universe
Just a mere ramble it's your choice if you want to converse